My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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