SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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