can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
