no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
These tits shall not be calmed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
