i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
