Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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