The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
