ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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