i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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