i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
