i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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