Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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