When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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