Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
