so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
