Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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