OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
