I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
