You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
