so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
