Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
