Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
