omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
