im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...