my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet