Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...

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  (817): I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working... http://tfl.nu/rly7
  Replies (20) Good night (1264) Bad night (3442)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.

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  (330): The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31. http://tfl.nu/ugns
  Replies (27) Good night (4424) Bad night (1111)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.

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  (612): he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers. http://tfl.nu/asbc
  Replies (4) Good night (2614) Bad night (1192)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...

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  (225): What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be... http://tfl.nu/qs8w
  Replies (8) Good night (1251) Bad night (2155)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.

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  (479): If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough. http://tfl.nu/qsaq
  Replies (12) Good night (3258) Bad night (842)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.

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  (319): I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine. http://tfl.nu/o11z
  Replies (7) Good night (1471) Bad night (806)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier

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  (616): Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier http://tfl.nu/md1b
  Replies (2) Good night (2212) Bad night (586)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth

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  (607): I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth http://tfl.nu/5ove
  Replies (1) Good night (503) Bad night (1169)
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  (562): View more from California

  Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?

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  (562): Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment? http://tfl.nu/8kce
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (516)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.

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  (506): I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow. http://tfl.nu/72sd
  Replies (3) Good night (526) Bad night (922)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.

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  (541): He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans (503): Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants. http://tfl.nu/h1iw
  Replies (7) Good night (1483) Bad night (479)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me

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  (407): We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me http://tfl.nu/k2wx
  Replies (3) Good night (374) Bad night (526)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.

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  (503): Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home. (541): Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on. http://tfl.nu/kn96
  Replies (5) Good night (589) Bad night (428)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.

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  (501): Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys. http://tfl.nu/a792
  Replies (3) Good night (1222) Bad night (454)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.

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  (904): I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day. http://tfl.nu/ua14
  Replies (1) Good night (594) Bad night (303)

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