Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.