Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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