I love black thongs
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.