Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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  (602): I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one. (623): Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully. http://tfl.nu/x05a
  Replies (36) Good night (4624) Bad night (570)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life

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  (720): just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life http://tfl.nu/vlqm
  Replies (48) Good night (5992) Bad night (2438)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
  Replies (19) Good night (743) Bad night (9692)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.

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  (217): he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit. http://tfl.nu/3nc6
  Replies (17) Good night (4545) Bad night (1397)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of

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  (248): He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of http://tfl.nu/1krw
  Replies (10) Good night (3569) Bad night (883)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.

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  (605): If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it. http://tfl.nu/jp0c
  Replies (2) Good night (2795) Bad night (696)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

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  (512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1219) Bad night (1673)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.

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  (908): I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background. http://tfl.nu/p2h3
  Replies (3) Good night (992) Bad night (418)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.

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  (313): Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me. http://tfl.nu/c83j
  Replies (5) Good night (1224) Bad night (398)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

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  (580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7
  Replies (3) Good night (762) Bad night (364)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.

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  (325): I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible. http://tfl.nu/vgf8
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (1112)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say

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  (416): She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say http://tfl.nu/mu9a
  Replies (13) Good night (439) Bad night (1547)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.

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  (704): CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY. http://tfl.nu/twru
  Replies (6) Good night (944) Bad night (331)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?

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  (443): I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right? http://tfl.nu/v6f6
  Replies (2) Good night (358) Bad night (142)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers

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  (301): I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers http://tfl.nu/hsgj
  Replies (1) Good night (456) Bad night (210)

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