I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I want to fling myself into the sun