You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...