Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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