One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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