Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
