Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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