You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
