what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
