I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
