doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
