I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
