If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
