Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.

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(317): View more from Indiana

idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break

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(765): View more from Indiana

He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(662): View more from Mississippi

Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.

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(302): View more from Delaware

From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye

(203): View more from Connecticut

Oh.

(203): View more from Connecticut

You came to the right person.

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