just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.