he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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