i can juggle bunnies
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?