Texts From Last Night

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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.

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  (609): He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL. http://tfl.nu/l6ak
  Replies (1) Good night (1138) Bad night (1211)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4415) Bad night (1486)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

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  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (8086) Bad night (790)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

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  (850): By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever http://tfl.nu/n0rq
  Replies (56) Good night (12677) Bad night (1218)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

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  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (27) Good night (5448) Bad night (1925)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

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  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (5125) Bad night (1625)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.

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  (870): To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical. http://tfl.nu/vs7y
  Replies (4) Good night (2987) Bad night (834)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.

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  (336): But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob. http://tfl.nu/czfm
  Replies (10) Good night (2142) Bad night (759)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...

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  (479): The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl... http://tfl.nu/uc2c
  Replies (6) Good night (2028) Bad night (1111)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess

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  (215): before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess http://tfl.nu/dqew
  Replies (15) Good night (2193) Bad night (1302)
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  (925): View more from California

  We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts

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  (925): We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts http://tfl.nu/eq30
  Replies (7) Good night (1797) Bad night (561)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5

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  (413): Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5 http://tfl.nu/y1kc
  Replies (9) Good night (1189) Bad night (619)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing

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  (908): Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing http://tfl.nu/ciob
  Replies (1) Good night (934) Bad night (511)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am

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  (224): I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am http://tfl.nu/pfco
  Replies (1) Good night (559) Bad night (436)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again

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  (502): Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again http://tfl.nu/w7l0
  Replies (3) Good night (368) Bad night (815)

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