Texts From Last Night

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  (514): View more from Quebec

  you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.

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  (514): you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties. http://tfl.nu/owlj
  Replies (17) Good night (2611) Bad night (767)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.

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  (813): If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story. http://tfl.nu/womj
  Replies (14) Good night (803) Bad night (2566)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?

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  (603): Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry? http://tfl.nu/3wve
  Replies (40) Good night (859) Bad night (4472)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.

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  (859): he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day. http://tfl.nu/iow4
  Replies (44) Good night (975) Bad night (8247)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

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  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (50) Good night (6689) Bad night (2275)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.

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  (408): I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/q1as
  Replies (20) Good night (3439) Bad night (1754)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.

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  (201): just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year. http://tfl.nu/847n
  Replies (8) Good night (3524) Bad night (987)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.

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  (203): She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good. http://tfl.nu/fc7j
  Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (1335)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.

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  (651): Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming. http://tfl.nu/qk4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1765) Bad night (1287)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness

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  (815): Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness http://tfl.nu/w2dw
  Replies (2) Good night (1349) Bad night (1000)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.

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  (903): You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss. http://tfl.nu/y1tc
  Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (1407)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.

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  (706): You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT. http://tfl.nu/osv9
  Replies (4) Good night (1041) Bad night (426)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager

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  (705): I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager http://tfl.nu/uera
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (462)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I put xanax in the cake batter

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  Did you really? It all makes sense now.

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  (201): I put xanax in the cake batter (1-201): Did you really? It all makes sense now. http://tfl.nu/asjy
  Replies (15) Good night (1046) Bad night (383)
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  (415): View more from California

  If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning

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  (415): If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning http://tfl.nu/qp15
  Replies (0) Good night (806) Bad night (291)

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