Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
