look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
