He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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