I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
