I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
