Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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