I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
