You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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