1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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