I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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