My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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