I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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