The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
