hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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