Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
