Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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