Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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