Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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