Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
