My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize