Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
