rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
