remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
