If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
