i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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