i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
