Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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