were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I deserve this hangover.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
