So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
