there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
