the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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