Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
