he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
