so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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