I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and she was petting her beer can
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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