is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
