Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
