come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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