and she was petting her beer can
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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