Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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