yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My penis needs a shock collar
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
